Forgiveness and healing, they are two very hot topics on social media lately. At least I know that healing is. Everyone seems like they are trying to “protect their peace.”
They do things and say things that are all in the name of keeping themselves safe from toxicity. Throw up some walls and boundaries; keep the offenders out. I agree with these practices when they are actually necessary and implemented with love.
But what if your walls are keeping the toxicity IN you?
For example, someone that cares deeply for you and actually wants the best for you confronts you about an issue in your life that is negatively impacting you, yet you shut them out. You tell yourself, “I’m not trying to hear all that” and “I don’t need that toxicity in my life” so here comes the blocking. Remove them from your socials, block their numbers, get rid of any reminders that might kick up any feelings.
Maybe you get into a heated discussion with a friend and hurtful words are thrown around. Maybe the words speak some truth, and it cuts deep. Human instinct says that person has got to go. They hurt you.
We as humans have gotten too comfortable with the blocking and unfriending functions on social media and have begun applying them in real time.
We hold the hurt and the pain inside of us like security blankets. We milk our offenses for all they are worth, justifying the actions that are born out of our pain.
“Well, I’ll start acting right whenever they apologize.”
“Until then, they don’t get access to my life.”
“I’ll forgive them, but I will never forget.”
This is the mantra of our world today.
But what if the apology never comes? What if it doesn’t come for 5 years, 20 years, 50 years? Will you be buried with your offense in your heart?
My life has been heavy-handed with the chaos and the pain. Some of it I caused myself; some of it is the result of actions done to me. Some of it has just been miscommunication or misperception. All of it has left marks on me-not physically, except for the scars from a couple of accidents.
In the summer of 2025, I really began investing in my healing journey. I had already read some books that were helping me with healing, but I had not begun to apply the principles to my life. I let myself be distracted by all the other things going on in life. Then the distractions were removed, and I didn’t have any more excuses. I had plenty of time and resources available to me, so I dived in. One of the new books I began reading with some trusted people is called Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst. I’ve mentioned it before, and I’m still making my way through it. I highly recommend this book and slowing down while growing through the book. It’s not a book to binge read in one night. Let the book read you, do the digging and heart work. Keep some pens and notebooks and a box of tissues handy for when the waterworks begin.
Through this book and some counseling sessions, I have learned that the apology may never come. You cannot afford to wait for an apology to begin the healing process, to forgive people.
Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
Forgiving that person that cut you deeply frees you from bitterness and pain.
How do I know?
Just a week and a half ago, I was really struggling with some jealousy and pain. I didn’t know why this was being kicked up so badly. I was at church and in the altar service. You know, the time of the service where people gather at the altar and pray about what was just spoken by the minister. I had already been sitting and bawling during the message because I knew God was talking with me. God had shown me an image of myself, of how I was in that specific moment.
I was this dirty, grungy, feral orphan who was hiding in the corner, ready to fight anyone that approached her. There was so much pain and shame inside of the little orphan Jewel. As I prayed in that altar service, I felt all the pain that little orphan was feeling. It was intense, heavy, crushing to say the least. God showed me that I had been holding onto my pain, waiting for an apology from some people that honestly I might never get an apology from. They might never acknowledge what they did to me, the pain they caused me. They might never invite me back into their lives. However, I cannot hold onto that pain.
As I released the pain to God, I felt His arms reach down and pick up that little orphan Jewel.
Love flowed into the broken places where bitterness and resentment had been opccupying. I felt the release in me.
It might take you several times of forgiving that person before you feel the healing and the forgiveness actually take hold.
Forgive them anyways.
They might hurt you again with the same offense after youhave forgiven them.
Forgive them anyways.
Yes, walls are good for keeping bad things out and good things in. But sometimes, the walls are keeping the BAD things inside of us and the GOOD things outside of us. IF we are completely full of bad things, there is no more room for good things.
Forgiveness is the access code for the wall. Make the exchange. Release bitterness and pain, accept forgiveness and grace.
Forgive them anyways. Forgive yourself anyways.
Grace Under Fire 