I’ve recently entered the education sector as a paraeducator. It is my responsibility to assist children with educational needs in the classroom. As part of my job, there is a requirement for training. A certain number of hours must be logged every school year. I began to watch several suggested seminars as a way to fulfill this requirement, mostly on the topic of Autism and ADHD. I learned that girls are harder to diagnose with these social disorders because they often mask as a “normal” kid. They learn ways to cover up and hide the ways that they need help. Little coping mechanisms are built into their days and they never let anyone onto the fact that they need assistance.
When I think about the real world application of this information, could it be that emotionally we are all just girls with autism and ADHD?
As we grow into adults, someone somewhere makes us feel ashamed to have emotions and need help. This shame tells us that we need to create a mask of being “normal” and “okay.” Do whatever it takes, just blend in. Don’t do anything to stand out.
Our bodies grow up, but our emotional and mental selves are stunted. They remain a child hiding in the corner, waiting to be acknowledged and accepted.
We are all just wanting to be loved as we are.
Can I tell you something?
Me,too.
I’ve worn a mask for so long that I assumed it as my real identity. I worked to create the image of the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect employee. My goal was to make sure that everyone had what they needed from me, even if it took everything out of me. I learned to anticipate the needs of others in an attempt to earn their love and appreciation. I got so good at being what everyone needed, I forgot to be what I needed.
I forgot to love myself. I forgot to care for myself.
This year broke me in ways that I never imagined were possible. A lot of things happened that I didn’t see coming.
One of the biggest takeaways from this year?
Remove the mask. Dare to feel the emotions.
Emotions don’t go away if we deny them. In fact, until they are dealt with, they just get bigger.
Get help. If life just seems too big or too heavy to deal with on your own, get help. Find someone that you trust and open up. Heal from the trauma of your childhood. Heal from happened yesterday. Forgive that person.
Remove the mask. As messy as it gets sometimes, be authentic.
Life is messy, but it is also beautiful.
Grace Under Fire 